The future

“People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you're fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert

October is a good month for me. I am feeling pretty positive and blessed. I have achieved a lot in my life and I know what I want to do in the future. 

I have travel the world. Experienced different cultures. Met people from all walks of life. Studied and worked at many different places. Seen the most beautiful sites. Eaten the the most delicious food. All this by the age of 27. 

I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to do this. My parents were not born rich, but they both worked hard for me and my brother and because of this we have had the most wonderful lives. Both also worked and are still working for their own dreams. To me they are inspirational. They did this either by studying or changing jobs. They simply work hard to enjoy their lives. I have not seen a day my mum doesn't smile. Even when she is grumpy, she still smiles at least once.

Not only this. They also gave me freedom. Freedom to chose my own life and path. They supported every choice I made. Even when I traveled across the world to japan. In which, my mum still reminds me I broke her heart in doing so..... They supported me when I moved in with an ex boyfriend  and even helped me move back out a month later. They supported all my mistakes, but were always there to pick up the pieces after. They only ever gave guidance and help. For this I thank them both. I hope to be just like them if I ever have children.

There are times we are all in a dark place. For me this is when life becomes repetitive and stale. I never want to just live day to day. I wish to enjoy everyday. Of course this is impossible. Some days (or some months even) we are just simply in a bad mood. But when those days come, it is good just to have the good days to look forward to or even look back on. Also, surround yourself with good friends and family.

These few months I have been at my happiest. I think this is because I know what I want to do. I really thought about what direction I want my life to take after I leave Korea. Before this year I always had a nagging at the back of my head. It was telling me I should be doing something towards my dream. But, at the time I didn't know my dream so it was like a cycle of thoughts in my head. 

To be brutally honest. I always thought I should get a job, marry have kids. What was expected from society. But, my heart was never given to any of my ex boyfriends. As soon as the lust was gone, I went back to having a strong desire to be alone and pushing them away. I think no-one can fully give their heart until they know what is in it. What desires and wises reside in that heart. 

I never knew my dreams and wishes. Not until over a year ago. I had a bad break up.  I thought I had found the 'one'. I soon realised he wasn't the one, and during that time I discovered I need to know my own wishes before focusing my energy on another person. I would never be happy until I did that. 

I tried really thinking about my wishes for the first time in my life. And I mean really thinking. A years worth of thinking in fact. I decided to try to do a CELTA. There I discovered I wanted to go back and study and do a second degree to get in to my field of interest. I will have to work hard for the next 4 years, but it is all for the end goal. 

There are going to be days when I won't see the finish line and may feel sad. But during those days I can think back to what I have achieved and what is to come. I can remember sitting in Chiang Mai eating strawberries and surrounded by flowers. I can also remember meeting a geisha. I can remember all my friends from around the world, and perhaps my itchy travelling feet will subside for a few years,

I have 4 months left in South Korea. I have spending my time applying to my course and making plans for when I return to England. I don't know my future but I realised it's starting to seem a lot less scary,